Halloween Horrors: The 5 Office Ghouls You Always Encounter
Happy Halloween, and welcome to Eden Scott’s guide to office ghouls. Although they can surface at any time of year, with dark nights comes far more mischievous antics than usual. We thought we would warn you of some of the characters you might meet on your daily commute and beyond.
Some people just love to drag you down, and these people are called energy vampires. They lure you in with promise of a harmless conversation, and by the end of it you have been well and truly drained. Whether it’s the accountant who can’t stop talking about his computer issues, or the person nobody can walk past without receiving a detailed account of their latest feud, some workmates really suck the energy out of you. Avoid them either by not engaging with them or eating so much garlic that they don’t want to talk to you – it’s your decision.
It’s a typical Wednesday morning. The kettle is on, you’re reading through some news, blogs or lists about cats to start you off for the day when…what’s that…groaning sound coming from the distance, and why is it coming closer? The answer becomes clear when a zombie stumbles through the door. Zombies move pretty slowly and don’t want to be involved in conversations if they can help it, so protecting yourself will be pretty simple – unless you walk past them with a bacon roll or coffee, which, as we all know, are crucial ingredients to feeling more alive.
The gust of wind that went past you when you went out on lunch the other day? That phantom smell of coffee in the stairwell? These are often the only signs your mysterious colleague is still in the building, leading you to believe that you may well work with ghosts. It’s hard to conjure them when you need them - every time you need to phone them or have them read an email they are nowhere to be found. Saving yourself from them isn’t so much the issue – you would actually really appreciate some time with them. Try bringing in some cake for the office one day – it’s a well-known magnet for bringing people together, even those that excel at disappearing acts.
They always ask if you’d like a coffee, they always care about that problem you were having with your phone, and are generally the nicest person in your office. That is, until a full moon strikes, or an urgent deadline, whichever comes first - then woe betide anyone who crosses their path. They will become fierce, they will growl and bark orders at you, and the admin team will shudder at the mention of their name. Don’t worry – it won’t last long, and soon they will forget all about it and return to their lovely selves. The question is, will you?
Tread carefully around your friendly neighbourhood mummy – they are wound up pretty tight, but can unravel easily, leaving piles of tissues in their wake. The printer’s broken? Their mug is missing? They can’t tell if an email was passively aggressive? Well then prepare yourself, there’s about to be a meltdown. This of course all results in a pretty impressive paper trail, through notes on your desk, emails, and memos, but try not to get overwhelmed by it – the mummy’s curse can be broken by offering a hot cup of tea and a sympathetic ear.
Tell us your office horror stories in the comments section below.